“Agh, my back!” exclaims Joe Gash’s Lonny at around the halfway point of Rock of Ages’ opening night at the New Theatre, doubling over in fake pain. Then, when asked what’s wrong, responds with a grin to the audience: “Don’t worry, just the weight of me carrying the whole show on my back.” This fourth-wall break – one of many – pulls laughter from around the Cardiff venue’s auditorium and I wonder if like me, they’re laughing at the fact that Gash’s remark has an unfortunate ring of truth.
Gash’s character is to this 80s-inspired musical what the sprite Puck is to A Midsummer Night’s Dream: a mercurial trickster who steps both in and around the story. Outside of it, he’s our wink-wink-nudge-nudge narrator. Inside, he’s the right-hand man to Kevin Kennedy’s Dennis Dupree, grumpy proprietor of Sunset Strip rock bar, The Bourbon Room, where most of the action takes place. It’s here that, in another Shakespearian moment, starcrossed and starry-eyed lovers Drew and Sherrie meet: Drew, a barman who dreams of performing alongside the bands he serves drinks for up on stage; Sherrie, a small-town would-be actress who isn’t quite prepared to be swallowed alive and spat out by an LA nightlife scene in the grip of sex, drugs and synthy rock’n’roll.
Drew and Sherrie are about as milquetoast as protagonists get, and while Sam Turrell (a Rock of Ages veteran) manages to throw some grit into his vocal performance, Gabriella Williams always sounds a bit too theatrically polished for this kind of music. The same could be said for 2016 X-Factor winner Matt Terry in the role of arrogant rock god Stacee Jaxx, who is on the verge of splitting from successful band Arsenal to pursue a solo career. Assuming that Jaxx is a parody of washed up Guns ‘n’ Roses’ frontman Axl Rose, you’d expect the requisite swagger. But though he can sing to the rafters, Terry seems a bit too tentative with the choreography – especially during his introductory number, Bon Jovi’s Dead Or Alive – to really sell the archetype.
In fact, aside from Gash – who comes across, bizarrely, like Jack Sparrow through the lens of the Carry On films – the breakaway star is undoubtedly Venus club owner Jenny Fitzpatrick’s Justice (filling in for Kellie Rian), who earns whoops of approval within minutes of being on stage for her phenomenal voice and inimitable presence. My eyes continued to go straight to her every proceeding one she was present, and was unsurprised to learn afterwards that she’s best known for playing Tina Turner in the West End. Talk about star quality – perhaps she and Terry’s parts would be better off switched.
Much like Mamma Mia!, Rock of Ages – the semi-autobiographical brainchild of Chris D’Arienzo – is your standard wafer-thin story spread over a more robust catalogue of existing songs. And if you want little more than a jukebox of hits strung loosely together and belted out Broadway-style both will go down nicely. But while the ABBA version has a more hair-brained ‘who’s the daddy?’ premise to keep you vaguely hooked, D’Arienzo’s is a mish-mash of ideas you’ve seen a thousand times already elsewhere.
With very little to say thematically at all beyond surface-level corny platitudes like ‘follow your dreams’ and ‘be true to yourself’, Rock of Ages is as un-subtle and devoid of depth as the music it celebrates. But perhaps that’s entirely the point. If the oeuvre of Kiss and Whitesnake were about little more than losing yourself to a party rockin’ good time in an era defined by excess, extreme and bad taste, this show captures that perfectly well enough to entertain those nostalgic for it.
words HANNAH COLLINS
Rock Of Ages, New Theatre, Cardiff, Wens 18 – Sat 21 May. Tickets: £15-42.50. Info: here.