Ahead of a live show at Green Man festival this month, The Breakup Monologues author Rosie Wilby talks with Ewa Pałka about her podcast, book and the science of heartbreaks.
You host a podcast and have published a book, both titled The Breakup Monologues.
They’re different, even though they have the same title. The podcast is about other people’s stories; the book is mostly about my story but explains the science of how people recover from heartbreak and how heartbreak works in the brain. I ended up writing about breakups when I got dumped by email many years ago – it felt much better once I’d corrected her spelling…
And then the podcast started?
Yeah, I’m a comedian, and about 10 years ago I did a show called The Science Of Sex: a sort of spoof sex education lesson. It became the first part of a trilogy of live shows looking at love and relationships. The second part, Is Monogamy Dead?, was about fidelity and affairs – monogamy, non-monogamy, and how we negotiate questions about what that might be. That show became my first book.
Then it made sense to end with a show about breakups. I did a show about my breakup story; friends, comedians and authors would share their stories with me after the show. They were so interesting that it was worth recording them for a podcast, and now there are over 50 episodes available online. It’s been entertaining to explore – we don’t always appreciate the humour that can help us to process them.

I imagine the book can significantly influence and make the reader feel better.
I’m particularly encouraged by people saying they’ve been able to have a better friendship with their ex. People have sometimes come along to my shows with their ex-partners and said, “we’re friends because of reading your book.”
Do you have one piece of advice for somebody going through a breakup now?
Reach out to friends, talk to people, and do some physical activity. When we miss our partner, we effectively withdraw from a drug. I discuss in my book that we need to replace some of those chemicals. You know, things like dancing or exercise – laughter if you go to comedy nights! – or maybe spending time with animals.
Interesting!
The book also further delves into some of the science and psychology. There is a chapter where I participate in a sex lab experiment – looking at erotic stimuli, wired up to computers measuring your arousal. That was all very exciting.
I imagine the COVID era has contributed to a lot of breakups.
Yes – everywhere there was lockdown, divorce rates surged. We were suddenly spending so much time together and perhaps people realised they weren’t as well-suited as they thought. Those breakups were maybe going to happen anyway – I don’t believe they’re always a bad thing. The subtitle of the book is The Unexpected Joy Of Heartbreak – it’s very much about finding the positives, the growth, learning, and healing that can happen after a breakup.
You have a show coming up at the Green Man festival in August.
We’re going to record a live episode in Green Man’s science area, Einstein’s Garden, on the Sunday afternoon. I’ve been to Green Man quite a few times now.
What is your next step after that?
Recording more episodes of The Breakup Monologues: we’re currently in our fifth season. Later, we’ll look at how Valentine’s Day is a high-pressure time on our relationships and enforces these idealised views of what our relationships should look like.
The Breakup Monologues podcast is available wherever you listen to podcasts. Info: here.
The book is available from Bloomsbury here.
words EWA PAŁKA

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