With Cardiff the first stop on his Bindependance Day tour, receptacle-headed political satirist and occasional electoral candidate Count Binface chats with Sarah and Jesse Edwards about his MEGA (Make Earth Great Again) manifesto, and his thoughts on democracy on this planet of ours…
What do you hope to achieve during your post-election victory lap of the UK? Which city are you most looking forward to visiting?
Count Binface: Of course, the city I am most looking forward to visiting is Cardiff! I want to visit every capital on Earth, and am over the moon and several planets to be starting with Cardiff as it’ll be my first-time setting space foot in this country after seven years on planet Earth. The purpose of my victory lap is the celebrate the defeats of Theresa May, Boris Johnson and Sunak who I am pleased to say have all gone since this space warrior started his mission in the United Kingdom.
What do you consider to be your second greatest achievement – assuming that your greatest is beating Britain First by 4,000 votes in the London mayoral election?
Count Binface: The defeat of Britain First is the greatest of a litany of achievements, including Sadiq Khan citing me as a reason to love Britain which was a real feather in my lid. The latest general election saw me gain my highest ever vote of 308 and come sixth. I am also proud of my success in persuading the owners of the Crown & Treaty pub in Uxbridge to move the hand dryer in the Gents toilets to a more convenient location. Moreover, at least 3 supermarkets in the UK have agreed to my price cap of £1.10 on a croissant – this is real politics in action.
Are any other Recyclons from your home planet of Sigma IX standing in elections on any other planets currently?
Count Binface: Not yet – so far I am a pioneer, and the Recyclons do as I say. My job is to conquer the known Omniverse, and I rather like doing it myself. However, once I have Earth under control I may well move on to other planets and install a fellow Recyclon in my place to watch over Earth while I treat other civilisations to a bit of Binfacery. Earthlings should never take me for granted!
What are your thoughts on Keir Starmer’s first two months in power? What issues do you think he should prioritise?
Count Binface: It’s too soon to tell, but I do think he’s gone far too hard on the climate change protestors compared to some of the far-right rioters. Prison is not the right place for the caring hippies who just want to protect the planet. The main issue he needs to prioritise is homelessness, which is a top issue for me as everyone has the right to a safe place to sleep. Homelessness is a solvable probIem. I also suggested that he should sort out compensation for the victims of the Post Office scandal as soon as he got into power. That being said, it’s great to see a lack of corruption in government for the first time in years.
Do you think an alter-ego, Count Trashcanface, could give Trump a run for his money in the forthcoming US elections? What do you think of Vermin Supreme?
Count Binface: You’d better believe it! If the ballot paper said, “Trump, Harris, Binface” I believe I’d win by a mile, especially with my promise to price-cap pretzels at £1.10. I am aware of Vermin Supreme and his Wellington Boot head, and wish him luck – although why he thinks it’s clever to campaign with such a weird head decoation is anyone’s guess.
Would you like to emulate Nigel Farage and do I’m A Celebrity?
Count Binface: I think not – anything following the Farage playbook is something I’d avoid, and I wouldn’t want to wear one of those horrid little waistcoats with their phone number on the back, nor eat lifeforms – that’s a very right-wing thing to do. Rolling round in a pit of reptiles and horrible insects is something I’ve done enough of in my political career. I would however love to do Bake Off or Celebrity Traitors; I have already pledged to make Claudia Winkleman’s fringe a grade 1 listed national treasure.
What is the best way to tackle far-right extremism in the UK, particularly their use of disinformation?
Count Binface: Beating them at the ballot box and not allowing them to spread their hate. They shouldn’t be allowed on Twitter for a start! I believe in free speech but not in preaching hate. This is why the internet needs regulation. Big Tech is calling the shots and need to be held accountable.
What do you like about Ceefax?
Count Binface: What’s not to like? Imagine the internet is lovely blocky colourful lettering: unhackable, untrollable, and playing late at night with muzak. You could book your holidays, get sports scores and most importantly read impartial news. Get rid of the internet, bring back Ceefax and sanity will prevail.
What would your message be to young people today?
Count Binface: I’d say sorry on behalf of your parents’ generation as they’ve screwed up the planet in every way possible. I believe that this generation are defined by love, care and openness which the older generations could learn from. Read books, not your phones. Young people today have more information and knowledge in their palms than ever before – but a lack of critical thinking makes them easier to manipulate and lie to. Instead of limiting access to the internet for those under 16, I’d limit it for those over 61! Education definitely needs to change, and the VAT on private school fees is a great start.
Count Binface, Glee Club, Cardiff Bay, Thurs 12 Sept.
Tickets: £16. Info: here
words SARAH & JESSE EDWARDS
