Beasts, Feasts, Invitations and Competitions… August 2022 is not a prime month for sitting in a windowless room inside a UK entertainment complex for two to four hours of film. Which makes it all the more impressive that Keiron Self has found some timely content!

BULLET TRAIN

Brad Pitt joins forces with David Leitch, John Wick director and former stunt double, in this action comedy set aboard Japan’s high-speed train the Shinkansen on carriages full of deadly assassins. Pitt plays Ladybug, who no longer wants to kill anyone and is hired to find a suitcase aboard the 300km an hour locomotive. Also looking for it are several other highly-trained assassins, played with quirk by Bryan Tyree Henry, Aaron Taylor Johnson, rapper Bad Bunny and Joey King. Zazie Beetz, Michael Shannon, Hiroyuki Sanada and Sandra Bullock also join in the set-piece mayhem as Pitt battles to stay alive amidst the carnage, trading quips and fists and bullets with the other assailants whilst keeping the noise down in the quiet carriage. A relentless action extravaganza primed to please any Wick fans out there, Bullet Train should be enormous kinetic fun.

Dir: David Leitch (15, 93 mins)

Bullet Train opens Wed 3 Aug

EIFFEL

A sumptuous French telling of the construction of that most iconic of Parisian landmarks, the Eiffel Tower, via its engineer Gustave Eiffel. Played by Roman Durais (The Beat That My Heart Skipped), Eiffel was a truly gifted engineer, who had already designed the internal workings that allowed the Statue of Liberty to stand proudly and hold her torch aloft. The story behind the tower, however, is fascinating: a feat of ambitious construction made by so many people, and one the Pope hated as it dwarfed Notre Dame. One hundred and thirty-four years later, it still impresses, but the Eiffel Tower was a battle to get made, with financial adversity, safety worries and protests common themes. Eiffel details this along with another construction: an imagined love story between Gustave and Adrienne, a woman from a well-heeled family played by Sex Education’s Emma Mackey. A handsome heritage piece with romantic undertones, let’s hope this is tres bon rather than jambon dans ma poche.

Dir: Martin Bourboulon (15, 108 mins)

Eiffel opens Fri 12 Aug

FALL

A vertigo-inducing stomach churner looks to be on the cards in this heightened thriller. Thrill seekers and expert climbers Becky and Hunter, played by Grace Caroline Currey and Virginia Gardner, are no strangers to acts of derring-do, but the best friends’ latest challenge might be the end of them. They are going to climb 2,000 feet to the top of a remote, abandoned radio tower – as you do – but matters inevitably get out of hand, leaving them stranded atop this rusting, desperately unsafe structure. Trapped with little in the way of supplies, challenging weather and an easily fall-offable rickety structure look set to create nerve-shredding conditions. Let’s hope the blend of CGI and live action fuels the adrenaline, along with Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s post-Walking Dead supporting turn. Obviously, not one for those who are scared of heights, and not to be confused with a concert movie about Mark E Smith’s band The Fall, as that is a very different prospect. Don’t look down.

Dir: Scott Mann (12A, 107 mins)

Fall opens Fri 12 Aug

WHERE IS ANNE FRANK

The director of the excellent Waltz With Bashir returns with another animated film that reimagines the story of Anne Frank for contemporary audiences. Frank, who died so tragically at the hands of the Nazis, dedicated her diary to Kitty, her imaginary best friend. In an Amsterdam of the near future, this raven-haired confidante comes to life, takes the diary and explores the Amsterdam of the present, searching for Frank who she believes must be alive. She has no idea of when she is and befriends refugees on her search, as the police pursue Kitty – believing her a thief who stole Frank’s diary from her museum. Seeing injustices still meted out to those who most need compassion, Kitty rages against what people are still doing to each other and finds out the truth about the little girl who created her. Destined to move and unsettle with bravura animation, this will be a timely reconfiguration of the young diarist and what the world is still getting wrong, despite her example.

Dir: Ari Folman (PG, 99 mins)

Where Is Anne Frank opens Fri 12 Aug

ANAÏS IN LOVE

A French romantic comedy seemingly laden with quirky eccentricity thanks to its whirling dervish of a main character – Anaïs, played rather handily by Anaïs Demoustier. A free spirit, endlessly running through Parisian streets and different relationships, the 30-year-old eventually finds some sort of focus when she discovers a writer named Emilie – partner of Daniel, a man Anaïs meets in a lift. Anaïs and Daniel have an affair, but it is Emilie with whom our protagonist becomes obsessed, reading her work and scamming her way onto a writing course with her in Brittany. It is here that she hopes to catch Emilie’s eye… but then her partner shows up, making for an awkward comedic love triangle, that upsets gender norms as the younger woman seduces her older counterpart. There appears to be depth to this Gallic froth however, in the vein of the recent The Worst Person In The World, as Anaïs charmingly comes to term with who she is. Expect some joie de vivre!

Dir: Charline Bourgeois-Tacquet (15, 98 mins)

Anaïs In Love opens Fri 19 Aug

THE FEAST

A Welsh-language folk horror with plenty of subtext and gore, The Feast has been wowing festival audiences with its slow burn dread. Set in a sleek, modern rural Wales home where once a family farm stood, it stars Annes Elwy as Cadi, a young woman employed to serve at a dinner party for the owners: Nia Roberts’ wealthy Glenda and Julian Lewis Jones’ politician Gwyn. They also have two children, creepy triathlete Gweirydd (Sion Alun Jones) and drug addict Guto (Steffan Cennydd) and the visiting Euros, played by former My Family star Rhodri Meilir. What was farmland is now rented out to energy companies for profit and there is to be a price. The dinner table is set for gathering tension and suspense as Cadi’s motives for being there grow gradually clearer. Directed by TV veteran Lee Haven Jones and written by Roger Williams (TV’s Bang), this will provide plenty to mull over amidst the disquiet.

Dir: Lee Haven Jones (18, 93 mins)

The Feast opens Fri 19 Aug

BEAST

It’s Idris Elba vs a lion in this would-be Jaws-on-land thriller. Following the death of their mother, Elba’s Dr Nate Samuels is trying to reconnect with his daughters, played by Iyana Hailey and Leah Jeffries. And what better way to do that than go on safari in the Savanna with old mate and supportive second-tier character Sharlto Copley, who surely has ‘bound to be eaten’ written through him like a stick of rock? A rogue lion is killing for fun rather than food, decimating villages – and soon taking an interest in Elba and his family: cue poachers becoming involved. There will no doubt be roars and jump scares aplenty in this Ghost In The Darkness/Cujo mashup from the director of Everest and Adrift. Elba even gets to punch a lion in the face – albeit a CGI one – hopefully illustrating that this is a reassuringly silly slice of toothy suspense.

Dir: Baltasar Kormakur (15, 120 mins)

Beast opens Fri 26 Aug

THE INVITATION

The English aristocracy gets a vampiric twist in this horror loosely based on Bram Stoker’s fanged menace. Natalie Emmanuel plays Evie, a working-class American woman who discovers, following a DNA test, that she might be related to some well-heeled types back in England. Meeting the affable Hugh Skinner’s Oliver, she travels to England for a wedding at a Downton Abbey-esque house (actually filmed in Hungary) and meets the dashing Walter, played by Thomas Doherty. Initially charmed by the gathering family, Emmanuel soon discovers darker matters are afoot and she is slap bang in the middle of a vampire coven, who take delight in drinking the blood of commoners. Can she embrace her own genetic heritage… or will there be more at or rather to stake? Horror with a social conscience, one hopes: bring your crucifix for Downton Dracula.

Dir: Jessica M. Thompson (15, 90 mins)

The Invitation opens Fri 26 Aug

MR MALCOLM’S LIST

A crowd-pleasing period romance in the style of Jane Austen that will please those who like Bridgerton but could do without the saucy bits, Mr Malcolm’s List is a diverse, comforting cuppa. Zawe Ashton plays Julia Thistlewaite, a woman socially embarrassed by catch of the Regency day, Mr Malcolm (a poised Sope Dirisu). This gentleman has a list of what he expects from a future bride, and Julia fails the test – so she sets about a revenge plot, training country friend Selina Frieda Pinto in the ways of high society. When Mr Malcolm inevitably declares his love for her, Julia will out the whole thing as a sham. Cue the formal dancing, formulaic plotting, bonnets and banter, courtesy of Suzanne Allain’s screenplay based on her best-selling novel. All done with a diverse cast in handsome surroundings, no doubt with plenty of froth amidst the gentle subversion.

Dir: Emma Holly Jones (PG, 115 mins)

Mr Malcolm’s List opens Fri 26 Aug

OFFICIAL COMPETITION

A gleeful Spanish comedy that reunites Penelope Cruz and Antonio Banderas following Pedro Almovadar’s acclaimed Pain And Glory, this appears to be much sillier, farcical territory. Cruz plays a director, Lola Cuevas – hired by a billionaire who wants to gain fame and an artistic legacy, she’s essentially given carte blanche to make any film she wants with whomever she wants. Lola hires two actors, polar opposites: film star Felix, played with relish by Banderas, and ageing theatre thespian Ivan, a dry Oscar Martinez. She puts them through their paces, creating absurd tests that make them face up to who they are, why they dislike each other so much and what they have truly achieved. Artistic integrity will no doubt be punctured as the three of them spar off against each other, with Cruz even busting out some flossing dance moves.

Dir: Mariano Cohn/Gaston Dupret (15, 115 mins)

Official Competition opens Fri 26 Aug

words KEIRON SELF