Are you done writing your lame Bret Easton Ellis rip-off yet? Quit now. The Rhondda Valley is not LA. Besides, Rachel Trezise already wrote about the sex and drug-fuelled ennui of young people in Wales in Sixteen Shades Of Crazy. See? Take a deep breath. I know you have a 2:1 in the arts. I know you don’t have a job. It’s okay. There’s a better option.

Dirty Protest are looking for a new play. They produce theatre that young people actually pay to watch – as in regular young people, and not just kooky arts students who wear mismatching knitwear, espadrilles and henna tattoos. Their productions get shown in venues like Milgi warehouse and Camden Roundhouse, and usually involve a series of 10-15 minute sketches that have more in common with Chris Morris than J. B. Priestley. This time they’re looking for a full-length play, to produce a staged reading of, along the lines of their last full-length staged reading The Bells of Shoreditch.

You don’t need to have written any plays before – in fact, they encourage new writers to apply. They’ll offer two to three days of workshopping the play before rehearsing. It’ll be staged in front of a paying audience. They want a play with more potential than polish, that has minimal staging requirements, with a ‘realistic’ cast size, that’s around one hour in length. They operate on a shoe-string, so abandon your dreams of that sea battle right now. It’s not happening.

Send your plays to info@dirtyprotesttheatre.co.uk by 20 June.